Sleepless nights and weird dreams

On Monday the 28th we are leaving Sweden for a little over two weeks for a trip to the US. A stop in the Chicago area to visit my family but primarily to see my 91-year-old father who is in a care facility suffering from dementia, as I have mentioned briefly in a previous post. Then we are off to Fort Lauderdale to see friends and head out on a cruise.

As much as I am looking forward to the second part, I am unsure about the first part. my siblings have been arguing about Dad's care and some of them are not even speaking to each other. It's been almost 20 months since I saw my father last, and and I know that occasionally he does not recognize my sisters who are around him frequently. I fully expect him to not recognize me but it still makes me feel weird. Almost like I am walking into something foggy, grey and not at all familiar.

This has resulted in short nights of sleep, waking up and not being able to go back to sleep and weird dreams about loss, death and sadness. I get it is all related, logically I see the dotted lines and connections but it's still unfamiliar to me.

All of that is running tandem with some other stuff that is equally as stressful, and yes I am intentionally being vague right now but I just can't really talk about it yet. Nothing horrible, just stressful. I'm just looking forward to getting to the end of next week and maybe, finally relaxing a bit.

Infrastructure Porn!

Citybanan Open House, a set on Flickr.

Here in Sweden, major transit and infrastructure projects are managed by the Swedish Transport Administration, Trafikverket. In their own words;"The Swedish Transport Administration is responsible for the construction, operation and maintenance of all state owned roads and railways. We also develop long-term plans for the transport system on road, railway, sea and flight."

What this means is that regardless of what city or municipality, they run the show. Because of this it seems that infrastructure ACTUALLY IS BUILT AND MAINTAINED. Wow, what a concept! One of the projects currently under way is to relive some of the traffic on the two railway tracks that run out of Central Stockholm, moving South. Currently all traffic running South must use these 2 tracks, including commuter rail. The Citybanan will shift the commuter rail traffic off of these two older tracks allowing for increased inter-city rail traffic.

Though the track will be only 6km long, it is all underground. Today Trafikverket held an Open House and invited the public to come tour parts of the tunnel as well as see the sections of the "underwater bridge" that were sunk over the summer and connected in order to cross the body of water Riddarfjärden. We could see them but not get to them, though it was pretty cool as I had watched two of the sections be submerged over the summer.

I'm stoked that I got to see this. I wish North American would do things like the open house events we have been to here in Sweden. It gives taxpayers a better idea of what is being done, how it is done and what their tax dollars are being used for.

Anyway here is a link to the pics I took today. Enjoy!

Seasons mark the time

Fall is truly upon us and the days are growing shorter on our last Fall in Sweden. It's weird knowing that this is the last time I will see this season here in this country and it saddens me a bit. We have no idea where we are going next and wont for a few months. In the meantime I find myself looking at things and trying to appreciate what I see and commit it to memory.

Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

Carls last match with the Berserkers rugby team was played yesterday in Enköping.

Ramblings and thoughts.

There are days when you just feel like the wind is out of your sails and you just need to curl up in a ball and just lay there. Today is one of those days for me.

Okay it sounds worse than it really is, but I'm just kind of numb. I have been pretty quiet for the past several months on this here bloggy thing, and the main reason is that there is a lot going on with my family back in the states. My father has been through a series of health related issues, all exacerbated but the fact that he has dementia, and the dementia is of course getting worse, not better.

This comes as no surprise to me that dementia worsens as people who already suffer from it age. My Dad just turned 91 two weeks ago, and the thing that gets to me is that he is literally trapped in his own mind most of the time. I will be going home to see him in the next few weeks. I am somewhat worried about seeing Dad and wondering if he will remember me, though I am more worried about dealing with sibling drama. I won't get into details but there is a lot of crap going on between my sisters (note: I am the youngest of 7 kids, 5 sisters and 1 brother) and I really want to avoid it if I can.

Another thing that has been on my mind a lot through all of this is what will happen to us? Carl and I are both the youngest kids in our families, and we have no children. What will happen to us when we get older? There is no one to take care of us if we need it. What happens if dementia effects one or both of us? This is an unknown that concerns me and will require a lot of thought and research as to what is possible and what isn't. One thing is for sure; we can't be the only people in this situation.